a price to pay

There are consequences for every action or inaction taken. Every choice gears us toward a direction. Even the times we hesitate or don't take the chance, that is a choice we make. Such choices make us wonder of what could have beens and what ifs... Then, when we do take risks and things don't work out as we planned them or hoped for, we're faced to deal with our crushed ideals--the thing that never came to pass.

In a dating perspective, a relationship is only good if it benefits both of the people that are involved. Sometimes, it does not matter how much you like the other person or how perfect he or she seems. I've learned that you can't just be with someone because you like them or because he or she fits your perfect picture. I've also learned that you can't be with someone because they make you feel like you're amazing because what will you do when they no longer feel that way about you?

In an attempt to branch out, I've recently gone on a ton of dates with different types of guys... Once again, I'm coming to the same conclusion that attraction is something that can't be forced. There are amazing guys out there, but I can't make myself like them just because I know that they're amazing guys. I've seen people grow to love someone, so I keep trying because the guys that I have gone for in the past have never been good for me. A part of me thinks that if the guy has an amazing personality and there is nothing wrong with them, wouldn't I eventually develop feeling for them? In my personal experience, things have never worked that way. I guess I've never grown to love someone. I've never invested enough of my time or my heart to let them be a part of my life. At the same time, when there are only so many hours in a day with so many things to do, why try making things work with people when there are other people out there that just work better and easier from the beginning to be together?

Currently, I feel like I've done my fair share of branching out. I'm not in need for guys' attention anymore. It's only nice when you like them. Otherwise, it's annoying. I also noticed that it gets harder to tell someone that you just don't see the relationships going anywhere the longer you wait so it's best to end things as early as possible once a clear picture and a decision has been made. There's a price to pay though. You lose a friend along the way sometimes. In my case, just about 99% of the time (I'll leave the 1% just in case it changes in the future) because I feel that the investment of time and work to maintain a friendship isn't worth the effort to spend time with someone that likes you whom you don't have the same liking for or with someone you once had feelings for that does not return the same feelings because, for any relationships to work, it requires that the relationship mutually benefits both people...

The way I see it, someone gets hurt in the process or in the end when it does not mutually benefit both people. Someone sticks around because having them as a friend is better than nothing at all hoping that it can change one day. Someone allows the other person to be around because they have nothing to lose because, let's face it, it's refreshing to have someone like you all the time if you don't mind their company and you have the time to waste. You see, there are sacrifices made to make such relationship function. Some think it's worth it, but I argue that it's never worth making sacrifices where you have to give away pieces of yourself. At the end of the day, either cases will leave you feeling empty because as Milton Friedman once said, "There is no such thing as a free lunch."