EX... What is it so hard to forget you?

I don't know why I have such mixed feelings when I think about you.  I feel hatred when I think of you, and yet I secretly loved it when I heard from you.  I thought I was over you, then why do all these mixed feelings come alive when I have any kind of communication with you?  My first thought was, "are you ok?"  Because it seemed out of your character to care about me.  Maybe something big happened that made you soft for a moment.  Then I got curious.  "What are you up to?"  When I asked you that, I wasn't really asking what you are up to.  I wanted to see if you were seeing someone.  My brain tells me I should never be with you or even want to be with you.  At the same time, somewhere deep inside, I wish that you still want me knowing that we are not a good fit.  Then the next whiff of emotions come over me that says, 'I need to make you regret for ever letting me go.'  Funny that I think that you let me go, when I had let go of the relationship when I blamed you for my unhappiness...  I go on to tell you how well I'm doing.  How busy I am.  I tell you I'm so much happier now that we are no longer together.  It is true that I am happier now, but I'm not sure that it is because we are no longer together.  I finally learned how to be happy, and that no one else other than myself could make me happy.  Somewhere deep inside, I wish we were able to be more mature and communicated and somehow made things work.  I wish I didn't have to tell people that I'm divorced or how I got the last name "Carman."  Every time I do, I feel the scar.  I realize that I'm a different person than I was before.  Believe it or not, I'm a better person in many ways, but I am also jaded.  I don't feel pain the way I used to.  I think I'm somewhat numb to it.

I sometimes wonder if I will ever be completely over you.  Will that be the day a man replaces your place in my heart?  I don't even think I loved you as much as I was obsessed about you...  But somewhere over the year, I must have grown to care about you.  Not in the way you wanted to be cared for, but still cared nonetheless.  I started seeing someone...  He's probably the nicest guy I've ever been with but the ache hasn't gone away.  How long, who, and what will it take for me to feel indifferent so you no longer have any power in my life?