I would say that I've had one of greater growing experiences this past couple of years with many changes in my life. I got married, graduated from college, experienced joy and sadness seeing my extended family in Korea that I had not seen for over 12 years, lived with my in-laws for one summer, made a 2,000-mile move to Richmond from Utah, tried working in retail management, worked with children with disabilities, then built my own violin studio from nothing. Somewhere along the journey, I would say I got lost--I didn't know exactly how to be me and catch up with my rapidly changing life. I had really high hopes for myself, so I never expected to struggle finding the perfect job after college in the field that I spent 5 years studying. I never thought that I would be that girl--feeling bored and empty. After all, I married the man of my dreams. Even if you have a best friend by your side, you occasionally experience the most lonely times with him looking sweetly into your eyes.
You see, nothing in life prepares you to deal with disappointments. All though school, you are taught to dream big, but you are not taught how to get back up when your dreams are shattered. Then there is the rest of the world that tells you that you're not good enough. How could I not see then that it was good enough as long as I was making a progress?
Some may say that my life appears to be easy and great. I would have to agree that there is no physical discomfort for which I am very grateful for. I have also noticed that when things seem easy that it's hard to feel anything because there is no sense of accomplishment nor sense of agony that reminds you that you are alive. To me, these are the most scary times because the lack of motivation, feelings of apathy, and boredom take over and paralyze me.
I am so grateful that the Lord knows me really well. Just when I feel that there is nothing left in me to feel, he blesses me with opportunities to feel alive again. Sometimes, it comes through a form of an unexpected friendship, job opportunities, an inspiration that guides me to make my dreams a reality, or a change of heart. It's strange that all of those things reach me through a form of an art...
