dreams...

I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up and be a grown up...  Every day, I wake up and realize that I don't feel any older than I did when I was 16.  I still have those dreams like ones you dream about when you are a little kid.  When I was little, I would dream about becoming famous.  It didn't matter what it was for really, but I chose violin because it was what I did best.  Well, I went to Manhattan School of Music and realized shortly after that there were hundreds of others just like me.  Dreams shattered...

Even still, I haven't completely given up.  Just the other day, when I was working on my violin studio website, I had this crazy idea of getting my own recording out for the LDS community.  Instead of playing solos since I am not Jenny Oaks Baker, I could play violin duets with my sister!  I thought it was a genius idea only to be shot down when I mentioned it to In-Kyung, my sister.  I just don't think there is much instrumental music out there for the LDS community because most of them are singers.  Oh well.  I'll have to wait until I have the opportunity one day...

Recently, I've also noticed that I have very much conflicting dreams.  I want to get a master's degree in social work, but I also want a successful violin studio.  I want to start having kids in the next 3 years or so which means I kind of have to choose one or the other so that I will be somewhere into my career...  Then I was crazy enough to check out music graduate programs although I probably rather not spend 2 years playing the violin 5 hours every day nor do I know if I can make one of those big named ones now that I've been out of training for almost 5 years...  sigh.  Time will tell--I hope.