Stagnant... too stubborn

I happen to make my life so much harder than it needs to be...  It's the little stubborn kid in me that keeps getting me into bigger trouble.  As a little kid, if my parents told me "no," I refused to accept "no" for an answer.  I whined and threw temper tantrums until I got my way, but sometimes I didn't get it my way.  Actually, I didn't get it my way most of the time.  However, it didn't stop me from throwing temper tantrums even with the knowledge that I was going to receive a punishment as a result of my bad behavior.  One might argue that perhaps the punishment wasn't great enough to stop me, but my parents would tell you that I was just too stubborn for my own good.

Over the years, you would think that I had learned this lesson a long time ago, but I still find myself repeating the same mistake.  The main difference is that I was four then, and I had the excuse of, "she's only a little kid who doesn't know any better."  Now?  At the age of adulthood, it's simply pathetic.

I used to make fun of all the girls that stayed in relationships that was no good for them or girls who made excuses for the guy's bad behaviors.  As an outsider, it was so easy to see that the girl had somehow allowed the guy to treat her badly.  Of course, if the guy was truly as amazing as she said he was, he would have never treated her badly in the first place.  In essence, both are to blame.  At the same time, it's no reason to continue to be in non-working relationship if both people are not willing to give 100% to the relationship.  

So, let's say that two people are dating.  Since it's in the beginning of the relationship, everyone puts on this mask and is on their best behavior in the first few months.  You can't live life behind a mask though because pretending to be something that you're not is extremely exhausting.  So, layer by layer, you start to reveal who you really are.  The problem is this: the girl refuses to accept what is being shown later in the relationship for what she saw through the colored lens in the beginning of the relationship.  Since she's still holding on to the idea of the guy, she can't see the guy for who he is.  Also, if you are stubborn like me, you may even refuse to accept anything contrary to what you want to believe by putting away all the things you don't like into a "if i pretend it's not there, it'll go away" box.  Now, here are two problems surfacing:

1) Refusing to see the reality of things

2) Refusing to accept the reality even after seeing what is true

Of course, life doesn't let you shove your problems away in a box because that defeats the purpose of this life.  Somewhere along the way, you're forced to learn to deal with the issues.

Then here's the case I'm stuck in.  Deep inside, you know that things are over, and yet whenever you see him or hear from him, you wonder if things really had to be over.  Somehow, it's as though the process wasn't painful enough that you're willing to even think about the impossible.  You're hurting, so you expect the other person to be in just as much pain when in truth their feelings never ran very deep.  Well, if they were willing to give it up so fast at the first opportunity to give up, then obviously it wasn't worth very much to that person.  Apparently, you are easily replaceable...  You realize the reality of it all, but even with the reality check, you refuse to accept it for the sake of the wasted love.  At this point, it's a sunk cost!  This is what I call being pathetic.  The trap that so many girls fall into because she simply won't let go.  What's the cost of not letting go?  Her pride.  Her dignity.  Her worth.  When the cost is just so high, why then do people still have a hard time letting go?  

You see, the cost of letting go, too, is high.  It's the best thing to do under the circumstances, but she has to somehow come to terms with the fact that what was once true is no longer true.  What once felt right no longer is right.  She has to give up the hopes of what could have beens...  She must erase the happy times for the sake of gaining her sanity and her future.  She must put the guy down as either a jerk, "lacking," or no longer compatible in her history so that when she meets the next guy, she will be without the emotional baggage.  She somehow has to not just hope but believe that she will find someone better or someone right for her...  At this stage, no one can really help her because it's something she has to do for herself.  She has to love and care about herself enough to find the will to move on.

I once wrote, "Time is an incredible medicine for healing if you will let it... A lot of the times though, we have a hard time letting go. We keep hanging onto what we once had even if it no longer exists. Sometimes, there are truths that we rather not accept because accepting it would be admitting defeat. At the same time, by not accepting the truth, we are only fighting a lost battle..."